Along with the main methodological challenge comes the psychological one. You stop in the middle of your work and, as if seeing it first time in your life, find yourself wondering what exactly is going on here. Indeed, why should an Imperial Princess involve herself in research on extraneous lives and mysterious circumstances?
All of my own hesitations here were projected via my protagonist back to myself and left me to grapple for an adequate response for weeks. This seemingly simple question turned out to be deeply existential for my work and required me to take into consideration all that is known about Marianne’s personality traits, quality of character and way of thinking: thoughtfulness; newly obtained maturity; comprehension unusual for her age; admission of her inner loneliness and the fact that her aspirations will remain largely unfathomable to others; hard work in solitude as her only asylum. What seems to be nothing more than a précis of her personal tragedy turned out to be her best antidote as well.
Symbolically, as the outcome of her contemplation, Marianne equips herself with the blue notebook at the end of this chapter. She has made her choice.
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